Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans

When I was in Weight Watchers, I lived by a set of guidelines for survival. People typically don't end up in Weight Watchers unless they're food addicts, and that is definitely the case with me. Yet after years living on the WW program, there are a number of lessons I've learned that I can apply to life in general. One being: if you always do what you've always done, you'll always get what you've always got.

Words to live by.

The latter, and the subject of this post, is not a rhymy catchphrase. It's likewise the one most people have the hardest time doing.

People make plans. Sometimes those plans fail. Rather than beat yourself up over what you did in place of what you should've done, the only productive thing to do is accept you failed, buck up, dust yourself off, forgive yourself, and move on.

Last year I set out to complete three manuscripts. That was my resolution. Finish Know Thine Enemy, start and finish Sinfully Scandalous, and complete the work that became Elevated Exposure. I did a good job, and I even tossed in a short story or two for nothing. A Friend In Need was pounded out in less than a month. I had no idea that would happen, even when I decided to do NaNo for the first time. I exceeded my own expectations, and with a heartful of optimism, I took the accomplishments of 2011 and decided to at least match that in 2012.

It's May. Next month will mark the midway point through the year. That's right. 2012 is almost halfway over. And what have I accomplished that I set out to accomplish?

If you answered a big fat load of nothing, congrats, you guessed correctly.

That's not to say I've coasted. Contrary, I've had a very busy spring. I got married two weeks ago (thus my husband-in-name, as he's been for years, became my husband-in-name-AND-on-paper!) and it was a big shebang. Honestly, I should have expected it as my mother's only daughter. I'm not the girliest girl, though, and I guess I thought I could get all my shit done in a timely manner. I thought with editing (and I've taken on several freelance jobs), and writing when I could, I, the great multi-tasker, could just show up to my wedding and see what happened.

Stop laughing. It’s not nice.

Obviously, that didn’t go as planned. But I did get stuff done. A modest amount of work has been completed. I'm about halfway through Sinners and Saints, Book 3, according to my word count estimate. I have plans for the revamp of Possession and all that, and half a dozen other ideas. But I must admit, when it comes down to what I personally love working on, the Sinners and Saints series is hands down the winner. I love the universe, I love the characters, I love the mythology – I am unabashedly infatuated with my own work, as I think all authors should be. And though modest, the series has gained a handful of fans.

Yet for the first time, I am completely self-aware of myself, the words, and the flow as I write the story. I wrote Sinfully Scandalous on a high mostly, never dreaming it'd actually get published. It was too different, had too many controversial themes, and wouldn't be received well by those who read the first. And yes, I did receive a few quiet comments about the content, but overall, it was received well. But unlike Lost Wages of Sin, I did little to no promotion. I tweeted, posted excerpts, gave away a few copies, and even now I have no idea how well it did, aside from the less-than-encouraging numbers on novelrank.com.

Now, I don't write for money. I write for me. I publish for the cash, sure, but the overall awesome feeling that is having my name on a book that is read and enjoyed by at least more one more person than my best friend and my mother is worth most of the blood, sweat, and tears. Yet with LWoS, something in me changed. I really loved the book, and I loved the thought of starting a series, and I loved the thought of others loving the series. I spared no expense, purchasing bookmarks, paying for multiple print copies, cover art, and so on. I didn't spend a ton, but I don't have tons of expendable income, which made it all the more disheartening when my first check didn't even begin to cover what I'd forked over.

I work a full-time job, a part-time job with editing, and whatever time I have left over is either spent socializing, relaxing, or sleeping. Because as much fun as I find writing, that doesn't take away from the fact that it's work. In some fashion, it's work, and it takes effort. If I spend eight hours a day at work and another three editing, whatever time I have left over is, ideally, spent writing. More realistically, though, I'm cuddled on the sofa with Aaron watching whatever TV show we're catching up on. If I'm in the groove, getting x amount of words committed to paper doesn't take much. If I'm not, I can waste hours trying to force my way inside before giving up and going to bed angry and frustrated with myself.

At the end of the day, though, the thing I enjoy writing the most is a series that I spent more money promoting than I gained in sales. I love writing it, I do, but a writer's head is never quiet. To get into the zone, I have to shut up the crowd of naysayers that takes up the peanut gallery inside my noggin. With Sinfully Scandalous, this took no effort, and I think a part of that was on some level, never expected it to be published.

All this to say, I desperately need to turn this motherfucker around and find the road I was on before I peeled off the exit. I have excuses, and many are legitimate, but what I really need is to quiet the peanut gallery, gather my bearings, and return to basics. Basics might mean writing new stuff for a while – new new stuff. If I’ve learned anything, it is I will come back to those things that are important to me. Know Thine Enemy took almost three years to write, because I wrote the first 15k, hit a wall, and then didn’t come back to finish the rest until I’d pretty much forgotten what I was doing in the first place. I don’t think it’ll take quite that much time to find my way back on track, but until then, I can’t promise to work on Flip Side of Sin. To those who like the series, and chastised me for waiting a year between the first and second book, all I can do is beg your patience and understanding. When I’m not writing, I’m not the best me I can be, and right now I’m not writing. I hate not writing.

It’s time for me to accept I’m likely not going to meet the goal I set out for myself in December 2011, which also means I need to stop beating myself up over what I did in place of what I should've done, accept I’m human, buck up, dust myself off, forgive myself, and move on. Goals, schmoals. This isn’t a race. I’ll get there when I get there.

Until then, I can't push it.

Hitting a wall

I can't write when I'm stressed. This is a pattern I've noticed over the past year or so...whenever something comes up, my anxiety disorder kicks in, and even if I refrain from my typical obsessive routine, it's hard for me to focus on my writing projects when I know a larger project looms.

The past month and a half or so, I've been hit with larger projects. Toward the end of August, I received a lengthy manuscript that needed some TLC. The author has the first round of edits, and I'm not sure when to expect her to fire them back. Then the move happened within a week (and even though we're moved and unpacked and settled, I keep having nightmares about it). Now I'm waiting for my editor to send me back edits for one of my upcoming releases, which has my anxiety spiked as well.

This, too, shall pass. I know it will. September was an incredibly busy month and we're barreling toward the holiday season, so it's no wonder everything's a little wonky. I also find I've been completely exhausted the last few days. I have accomplished a little writing, and while I know exactly what I need to have happen, a boulder sits between me and the characters; to get them to do something, I have to move the boulder first. The cursor's no help, either. It just sits there mocking me.

This isn't writer's block. I think it's writer's fatigue. And though not being able to write sucks, I know from experience it won't last. Once I wake up, I'll be back with a vengeance. I just hope it's soon...I have a NanoWriMo project I want to tackle.

Irreverent v. Offensive

As I get closer to wrapping up the second book in the Sinners and Saints series, I find myself becoming more and more apprehensive about how people of certain faith might respond to some of my less conventional theology. I don’t parade it around as fact, the way Dan Brown might, but I also don’t handle the material with kiddy gloves. In all honesty, I suspect if God exists he has a sense of humor (Exhibit A), and while I don’t go out of my way to offend anyone, I am highly aware as I’m writing that some of the content might be construed as sacrilegious.

According to the dictionary, the word irreverent is synonymous with profane. Other synonyms might include rude and disrespectful. Yet its counterpart, reverent, carries with it the implication of being worshipful, of placing overt emotional or spiritual significance in an object or concept. The difference being this: in my stories, all characters are created equal. They are all imperfect, regardless of cultural relevance or consideration, and all likewise have redeeming qualities. I am interested in unorthodox theology, and many of the things I have considered in my own religious journey are included in the Sinners and Saints series…but not because I believe them, rather because I think there are questions/issues/problems that haven’t been addressed, or even truly acknowledged. I don’t write with a mind to push the envelope, rather to take themes prevalent in the world around me and include them in my work. I don’t see my Lucifer or Big J as anything but characters in a book.

To be offended by something, one must go out of one’s way to make it personal. Thankfully, I haven’t received any “you’re going to Hell!” emails as a result of the first book, but I think that might change as the series progresses. And if people choose to believe that, fine. If faith is so fragile to be threatened by a piece of fiction, what does that say for faith?

There are things I could do to intentionally make the Sinners and Saints series offensive, and those things I won’t touch. There will be none of Exhibit B or Exhibit C or even Exhibit D. Not because I think any of these things are offensive, but there is a degree of pushing things too far, and honestly, the series doesn’t call for that.

I know I’m far from the first author to touch upon theological issues in fiction, romantic fiction, or even erotic romantic fiction. This territory, however, is new to me; as the granddaughter of a Church of Christ minister and an inhabitant of the Bible Belt—not to mention a professed nonbeliever—I have to wonder what will come next, and what might possibly be deemed as too much. In the end, though, everything runs the risk of offending someone, no matter the subject matter.

I suppose the point of this post is this: I am aware that the material is sensitive to many, and while my goal is not to offend, people might become offended because of things they read into the text, not things I write. I can’t help that. I intend to be faithful to myself and true to the characters I’ve established. Beyond that, it’s out of my hands.

And I'm spent

Two weekends ago, I was in Natchez, MS - my favorite of all favorite places, not to mention the setting for Lost Wages of Sin. I had a blast, and loved spending time with my mother. The only thing that could make it better was my first convention, which I attended last weekend. I got to meet J.A. Saare, Madelyn Ford, Angela Sneed, Kimberly Adkins, Bells, and a slew of amazing authors and readers alike. I didn't take many pictures -- why, I don't know. I was just overwhelmed with the awesomeness of being there. I hope to -- nay, I will -- do better next year.

So that was two weekend trips in a row. But three's company, so this last Friday, Nikki London stole me away for a brief mini-break to Las Vegas, where we both fulfilled a dream of seeing one of the last members of the greatest band ever to play music perform live for two and a half glorious hours. That's right, I got to see Paul McCartney.

And the Beatles are the best band ever. No hyperbole involved. This is fact. Do not argue.

Needless to say, the experience surpassed any expectation I had. For a man one year shy of his seventies, he had the energy of an Olympic athlete. That, and you haven't experienced "Live or Let Die" until you've seen it live with an accompanying fire show. I sang myself hoarse and I believe my ears are still ringing, but damn, what a night.

Now, my feet are back on solid ground, and I don't plan on leaving again for a while. I do have some ideas forming -- editing and reading to do, on top of all else -- but the truly amazing thing is I have the next two books in the Sinners and Saints series planned. Yes, I had to push Invi's book back for her brother, but I know I have some readers eager to hear from the male Sins, at least a few people won't mind the schedule shift. This is what my lineup looks like at the moment.

Currently writing

Know Thine Enemy
Sinfully Scandalous (Sinners and Saints #2)

Up next

Blackout (short contemporary erotic)
Flip Side of Sin (Sinners and Saints #3)
Untitled project, urban fantasy

To come

Sins of the Father (Sinners and Saints #4)
Shades of Gray

I have a very busy few months ahead of me. My goal is to have Know Thine Enemy and Sinfully Scandalous done by the end of the summer, and Blackout done this fall. This is all very much attainable, especially since both my active WIPs are nearing the end. I just need to get cracking.

In the meantime, I was greeted with a wonderful homecoming gift: a 4 Star Review for Lost Wages of Sin at RT Reviews. LWoS has also received good press at Nocturne Romance Reads, ParaNormalRomance, Paranormal Haven, and Coffee Time Romance.

Writing for yourself

I have this WIP I've been working on for almost two years, perhaps longer. It started right around the time Firsts was accepted for publication from Loose Id and has been referenced in numerous interviews in response to the questions "What can readers expect from you?" / "What are you currently working on?"

I wrote the first 12k or so before hitting my writer's block, and I tell you, it sucked. As any author knows, writing when your creativity is tapped is like trying to milk a bull. It just ain't happening, folks. Sorry, thanks for playing, please claim your consolation prize. It's also no surprise that last year, during my writing drought, I was going through one of the longest bouts of OCD-inspired depression I'd experienced in some years. I was also at a job I loathed and in a constant state of panic about losing that job due to my OCD.

Yeah, not fun.

A lot of things changed last year at the same time. I began CBT as in an effort to battle OCD (which was amazing -- as much as I knew about OCD then, I know 10x that amount now, which makes dealing with spikes so much easier). I also manned up and quit the job I had needlessly worried over (honestly, I actually hear some of the customers I once helped stopped going there because I was gone. Suck on that, bitches), and got a job where I didn't have to stress much, if at all, over anything.

Is it any surprise I began writing again?

Funny as it is, when I began writing Lost Wages of Sin, it was less out of inspiration and more out of wanting something out there while I continued work on that other WIP. Of course, I quickly became enamored with the world (true fact -- LWoS reminded me how much FUN writing can be. I hadn't enjoyed working on anything as much as that story in a painfully long time). I never intended LWoS to spawn into a series, but spawn it did, and I'm enjoying every minute.

If you're wondering, the original WIP in question is nearing completion (though will likely exceed the word count goal) and will hopefully be out this fall.

Here's the punchline, though...I don't think my readers will like it.

I really don't.

Well, except Sarah Ballance and Nikki London, who are reading it as I write. It's dark and creepy and very sexual, and while I am damn proud of the story, it just doesn't seem like something my readers will enjoy. At least, those readers who expect comedy with my writing (according to some, I'm good at that).

So why am I writing it? Because I wanna, dammit. Because the thought entered my head and refused to leave, and those are the stories I want to tell. I doubt I'll want to see the reviews of this book (should it even be accepted anywhere), but that's okay. It's something I did for me. And hey, maybe I'm being pessimistic or whatever, but I also refuse to shutdown a project I love because bloggers might not like it. Someone out there will. If don't write what I want to write, why the heck am I doing this to begin with?

Hopefully I'm wrong. I mean, every author wants their stories to be universally adored, and I'm not exactly someone who views the glass as half-full to begin with. So, hey, stranger things have happened. I've read books much, much, much darker that sold well and were critically acclaimed. It could happen.

And if it doesn't, oh well. You live and you learn, and then you get luvs.

On writing, or something like it

I definitely prefer the writing overload than a dry spell, but it's getting a little ridiculous. I'm pretty far into both my active WIPs -- the second book in the Sinners and Saints series, as well as my paranormal erotic romance. One of my currently stalled WIPs has started screaming at me for attention.

I'm at a good point in both my active WIPs. They might actually be finished and sent out at the same time. Plus with Lost Wages of Sin coming out soon, 2011 is starting off pretty well.

Baby, it's cold outside!

The wind-chill is something like -12. Needless to say, we’re freezing our nips off. It does make for slower traffic where I work, however, and more time to pretend like I’m actually contributing around here. The fact the boss is out of town helps as well; his daughter, my BFF of 10 years, and I pretty much checkout when he’s not here.

I wrote around 5k on a WIP that quickly lost steam, but I haven’t given up on it. At the moment, I’m applying focus on two WIPs: the same paranormal romance I’ve been talking about for over a year (progress, baby!) and the second installment in a new series. I’m still making a decision on LWoS. As I said in my last update, I really, really, really love the pub that offered to contract it and the other one is fantastic as well. I’m taking advice on all sides and should (hopefully) know something certain in about a week.

In the meantime, I’m working edits for the press for which I line edit. And on that topic, I blogged at Romancing the Muses about writing do’s-and-don’ts.

I also have an introduction to make. The BFF I mentioned earlier is (at last) dipping her toes into the writing pool. She’s established a blog and plans to write under the name Nikki London. She’s been a dear friend of mine since high school, the closest thing to a sister I’ve ever had. With a degree in politics and government and a resume full of volunteerism for local and national candidates, you’ll likely notice a common theme in her works, and she writes her topics with knowledge and experience. Her writing is genuine and funny, and I can’t wait to see her take the literary world by storm. If you get a chance, drop by and say hello. You’ll be glad you did.

Writing report, contests, et al

First of all, my short story, Falling, has survived the first round of voting at ARe. If you get a chance, please drop by to cast your vote in round 2.

Secondly, I'm getting very close to completing one of my WIPs. I'm pretty excited about this one, as it's unlike anything I've ever written before and likely the first in a series. I've never written a series, or really aspired to write a series, thus I'm excited and nervous all at once. I hope to have it sent to my CP within a couple weeks and then will begin the submission process. Right now, I have my sights set on Samhain, though I'm really attracted to Noble Romance, as well. I want a place where paranormal romances perform well.

This story, tentatively titled "Lost Wages of Sin," is the story of Ava and Dante, and, as I said, likely the first in a series. It involves angels, demons, Heaven, Hell, vampires, rituals, and will eventually involve werewolves and other mystical creatures. I obviously have an affinity for vamps, but I've never broached anything like this in my paranormal writing. I'll post more updates as the story wraps to a close, as well as blog on its reception once I submit it.

It's been a crazy few days on the home front. Hope everyone's had a good weekend.

Mostly curious...

Regarding this project, I wrote another 1200 words last night. I'll update my progress bar this evening.

Reviews, writing progress, etc.

I have had a longer than long day, but this made it all better: HEA Reviews - Yadkny's review of Possession.

Seriously, thank you.

My personal book reviews are on a slight hiatus. I'm working on one of my paranormal WIPs and, according to my own progress bar, I'm 1/5 of the way through. Being that I began really working on this last week, I'm pretty psyched.

11079 / 50000

Look for more updates soon!